


How Sad You Seem To Me

by rainy_fangirl



Series: Les Mis Gruvia [3]
Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Feels, Awkward Dates, Coming of Age, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Everything is Beautiful and Everything Hurts, Explicit Language, F/M, First Kiss, Flashbacks, Heavy Angst, Hopeful Ending, Human Trafficking, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Physical Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Strangers to Lovers, Suicide Attempt, The Author Regrets Everything, Verbal Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-25
Updated: 2017-07-25
Packaged: 2018-11-29 15:41:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11443938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainy_fangirl/pseuds/rainy_fangirl
Summary: 03. Sharp breaths, spine-tingling annunciation. A warm type of panic in which you feel yourself fall in love. Ghosts and letting go. Faded scars and healing kisses. The flush of a winter chill, and the sensation of knowing your luck is beginning to turn.





	How Sad You Seem To Me

**Author's Note:**

> Okay kids, I love this fic with my heart and soul. Now that's out of the way:  
> Trigger warnings for:  
> Physical and verbal abuse  
> Suicide  
> Bad relationships in general  
> anxiety  
> PTSD flashbacks  
> and some mentions of human trafficking  
> Be careful and don't read if it's something sensitive to you. Thank you for reading!

Juvia couldn’t understand this guy. She saw him every day, on the bench outside of the coffee shop she worked at. After a few weeks at the job, she had come to expect him, and after a few months, she knew what time he arrived, and came to wait by the window until he did. She worked from 3 to 8:30 most weekdays, sometimes later on the weekends, and every day Juvia was anywhere near the shop, she made up some excuse to look out the window, or wander past his bench. Always there. It was oddly comforting, like her job at the coffee shop and this guy arriving at his spot every day at 3:30 in the afternoon. 

This was one such day a week before exams, when one of Juvia’s co-workers had caught her staring. “Got a crush?” Meredy asked from behind her, and Juvia couldn’t tell if she was kidding. Meredy smelled mainly like coffee, something she couldn’t help, but also like mint and vanilla, a surprisingly appealing combination. “He’s not bad.” She commented. “Looks a little rough though, kinda emo.” 

Juvia nearly laughed, but considered the possibility for a moment, turning back to the drink she was making. She could never tell how close she was to Meredy, the two of them had worked together for three years, since sophomore year, and the two of them had bonded quite a bit, but not like Juvia had with Gajeel, who was more like a brother. Juvia and Meredy were both more walled, mature, the kind of friends you met as an adult. They had both crashed on each other’s couches from time to time, even when they had places to sleep. Netflix and pizza had been an occasional happening, while studying together during their breaks, in the shop’s backroom had been far more common. She wasn’t the friend you relied on to judge your boyfriend, Meredy wasn’t a best friend, but more like a reliable acquaintance, someone you weren’t sure if you could share secrets with. Maybe it would be nice to have a boyfriend. Juvia had nearly poured the milk in perfectly, something she had been working on for years and had only suddenly someone came running up to her, gently crashing into her like an overexcited puppy. A blonde stranger, with big brown eyes that seemed to glow with excitement. That was what she liked about Lucy, she was always awake, up for anything. She was by no means a party girl, in fact, she came across as a quiet intellectual sometimes. Certainly not today. Lucy was one of those people who seemed consumed by her relationship, and thought everyone should have one. She had been setting up Juvia and Meredy and all the other workers since she’d started working there, with little to no success. Juvia theorized that Lucy was running out of people, she seemed to be throwing them at any decent looking customer who came in. 

“Oooh!” She said, leaning uncomfortably close to Juvia, who was popping the lid onto the slightly ruined cappuccino and sliding it to the end of the bar. “Which one is he?” Lucy asked Meredy, who pointed to the dark haired guy, who was sitting comfortably on his bench, reading some sort of paperback whose title they couldn’t read from the window. “He’s cute.” Lucy remarked. “Not my type though.” This was unsurprising. The way Lucy talked, she’d only been attracted to two men in her life; her boyfriend, Natsu Dragneel, and Eddie Redmayne. It would be almost convincing if Juvia hadn’t met her previous boyfriends, and seen the blonde swoon over each one of them in the exact same way. She rested her elbow on Juvia’s shoulder, and she had to try not to shrug it off. “You should go for it.”

The bluenette shot Lucy an almost desperate look, like she might actually want to, before turning away from bench guy and taking the next cup. It was rush hour, they really should be getting to work before the festively red holiday cups built up. 

“I’m serious,” Lucy continued. “He’s so your type, brooding, tall, dark, and handsome. Go out there and ask him what he’s reading.” 

“No,” Juvia retorted, even though she couldn’t help but fantasize about it, focussing on the coffee. “I don’t want to disturb him.” She smiled into the steaming cup. It was a peppermint latte, perfectly fitting for the early December day.

“Speaking of, shouldn’t your call be coming in now?” Meredy asked, getting back to work along with her. She shuddered. There was a bakery next door, and every day since she had started in the shop, Lyon Vastia, one of its’ workers had called the shop during Juvia’s shift, for some excuse or other. After two weeks, it had become clear that he was head over heels for her, and she most definitely, was not. It had really continued for too long, and she couldn’t help but feel a little shameful over it. For a while, Juvia had told herself that every day that she would cut it off, preserve any shred of friendship she and Lyon had left. Now, it was just going to see Lyon, sad as that was, she had made her peace with it, no matter how tiring it was. Juvia was someone who was afraid to cut things off, no matter how terrible things got. That was why she’d stuck to Bora for so long, she had truly loved him even though he’d been torturous. He’d  been physically abusive, towards the end of their relationship, but Bora liked to stick to verbal abuse, needling words that still echoed within her.  _ “So gloomy, you’re impossible to be around, what’s wrong with you?”  _ When he’d left her, it had been a kind of sick relief, no matter how sad she was, at least Juvia knew she wasn’t bringing him down anymore.  _ “You’re so clingy, desperate bitch. You can’t leave me alone, you’ll never find anyone, lucky I stick around, whore. Otherwise you’d be dying alone.”  _ The phone rang, and Lucy picked it up, nodding to Juvia. She shook  off thoughts of Bora, hanging her apron on its hook, wrapping a scarf around her neck and slipping out the back door. Juvia tried not to stare at bench guy as she made her way down the alley, but he was making it difficult. While she wasn’t sure, she thought it was the first time he’d looked at her, in at least three years. While she’d only started working at the shop in her sophomore year, Juvia had been walking past this spot for longer than that, it was right outside of campus, on her way to the train station as well. Bench guy looked up at the sky, a small mercy. She decided to look as well, and shuddered at the clouds flooding the sky, it would snow soon. Juvia hated the snow, precipitation of any kind, for that matter. It was just a frozen form of rain. She was convinced it was an omen, it had to be. Throughout her twenty-two years, it had rained or snowed every single time something went horribly wrong, like it was a sign of her impending doom. Juvia cringed, wondering what fresh hell this storm would bring, especially with Lyon. For a moment, she considered going back to work, but immediately dismissed the thought. If she turned back now, that just meant misfortune in the shop, something she wanted to avoid, especially with only a semester away to graduation, losing her job now would ruin the rest of the year. She had gotten it right after she’d moved to Magnolia and transferred to Fairy Tail University, after Bora left her, the job was her rock through the storm.

Juvia thought about glaring at him as she walked past, but it came out a smile. She wished could summon Meredy at this moment, or maybe the girl down the hall, Erza Scarlet. Hell, even Lucy would tell a guy off if he was bothering her. She couldn’t tell if he was bothering her or not, she almost expected a hello, but all the stranger gave was a little wave, something Juvia had grown accustomed to every day. It was almost normal, except… Juvia had never seen him wave to anyone else before, aside from his friends. She didn’t remember him from anywhere. 

When Juvia opened the door, Lyon glanced at her, smiling. She forced herself to return it. He was whisking something in a bowl, took her familiar seat. The front counter had a bar-like set up, where patrons could sit with their confections and watch the baking. She used it talk to Lyon. “Some weather today,” He commented, looking past her and out the window. Juvia had told him about her distaste for snow before, but Lyon didn’t seem to remember.

“What seems to be your problem today, Vastia?” She sighed, tiredly. Maybe today Juvia wouldn’t pretend. 

“I was wondering,” He propositioned, passing her a spoonful of meringue, which she took gratefully, happy to preoccupy herself, at least it kept her from telling him what she really thought. Lyon looked at her, dark eyes confident, shoulders back, a faceful of cool confidence he’d obviously practiced in the mirror. Juvia forced herself to swallow, biting back her disgust. “If you wanted to get dinner with me after work.” When she didn’t do anything, smiling blandly at him, that Lyon continued. “It wouldn’t be much, you’re working late tonight, right? Probably just wine and Chinese at my place. How about it?” 

Juvia gritted her teeth, bracing her fingers on the table. Slowly, she set her spoon on the table, forcing as much kindness as she could for this boy. “I’m sorry Lyon,” She started, sounding legitimately concerned. “I’m not interested.”

He paled for half a second, then waved it off, reassuring himself. Men really were as dense as Lucy said they were, she decided. “If you’re busy tonight we can reschedule, or,” Lyon started babbling, but Juvia cut him off, annoyed.

“I’m not interested in dating you.” She said flatly. “Or anyone for that matter.” She turned on her heel, muttering something about work, hoping to get away quickly. “You stupid bitch,” He shouted after her. “You’ll regret this!” Juvia took a breath. It had taken her years to get through a panic attack, to learn how to carry herself through, and she would not begin to backtrack here, she would not. She would not. “Frigid whore!” Juvia felt the first tear slide down her cheek. The bell rang as she left the bakery, and she stood outside for a moment, catching herself, trying to avoid a full on meltdown. Bench guy was looking at her, she was sure.   

“How is he?” At first, she wasn’t sure who had spoken, but there he was, on the bench, where he always was, holding out his umbrella for her. She sat down, roughly, next to him. 

“He as in Vastia?” Juvia asked, knowing full well that she should feel uncomfortable, talking to some guy she’d never met like he was an old friend. Bench guy nodded. “You’re asking me how that asshole is after I stormed out crying.”

He laughed, just a little, shrugging. “Step brother’s gotta do what step brother’s gotta do. At least were not blood related.” 

She gaped a little, but continued. “He’s perfectly fine. Nothing that can’t be fixed.” 

Bench guy raised an eyebrow, dark eyes smiling. “What did you do to him?” Juvia laughed. 

“Like I said, nothing that can’t be fixed. I turned him down. He’ll get over it.” 

He glared at her. “Not that there’s no love lost between me and my brother, but still.” 

“Still what?” Juvia glared right back. She didn’t have time for this, she had to get back to work. 

“He’d been pining over you for three fucking years, it’s all I hear about. The least you could’ve done was say it nicely.”

“No, I couldn’t have.” She clarified. “I told him that I wasn’t interested in a relationship. There’s no better way to put it. I’m sorry but I have to go. If you have a problem, I work,” Juvia pointed to the shop. “Just over there. And if you want to assume I’m a dirty slut for turning down your asshole brother, there are any number of other women, as well as my own brother, who’ll kick your ass for me. Or I could do it myself. Any way, leave me the hell alone.” She marched away, back down the alley, and into the shop.

“Damn straight.” Meredy muttered as Juvia slid her apron back on. “You told him.”

She whirled on her heel. “How much did you hear of that?”

“Brothers…” The pink-haired girl sighed, filling the cup. “Damn.”

“Damn yourself.” Juvia muttered. “They’re both terrible.”

“If you don’t kill him, Lockser, I will.” She looked up, startled. Juvia would’ve expected it coming from Gajeel, but it was Lucy, bubbly, friendly Lucy who’d slid in next to them. 

“Wha- no!” She glanced, baffled, from a seething Lucy to bench guy. “There will be no killing of bench guy!”

“You didn’t even get his name?” The blonde hissed. “You threatened a guy and you didn’t even get his name?”

“I didn’t threaten him, I told him off. And I don’t want to know bench guy’s name, I want him to leave me alone.”

“Well I want to Facebook stalk him and for that I need a name.” Lucy pouted, pouring the milk into a perfect star. 

“I think you can probably find him through Lyon.” Juvia muttered, swirling the whipped cream into the hot chocolate and popping on the lid.

“Speaking of,” Meredy added. “Can I go for it? Now that you two aren’t,” She waved her hand. “Involved.”

“You really should’ve said that three years ago.” She passed the customer his drink. “I needed him out.”

“So your past boyfriend sucked.” Juvia cringed at the mention of Bora, but let Lucy keep talking. “But I think you’re blind to the possibility of bench boy.”

“He called me mean.” The bluenette rolled her eyes. “For being firm and saying no to his step-brother.”

“Well he cares about his family.” Lucy countered. “The protective older brother thing, it’s kinda hot.”

“Doesn’t Natsu have an older brother?” Meredy interjected. Juvia shot her a grateful look. 

“Yeah, but Zeref’s shitty. Runs a gang and everything.”

The rest of the shift past dully like this, insufferable romantic commentary. Occasionally, one of them would glance out the window and report back some meaningless detail, bench boy had changed books, he was doing homework, etc, etc. Juvia wasn’t sure how he sat out there for so long without getting sick, but the whole situation was making her numb. At her dinner break, she left the shop, making some excuse about having to get something to eat, when really she had a salad stashed in the storeroom fridge. For some reason, she felt the need to confront him. Juvia grabbed her salad on the way out. Walking up to him wasn’t as nerve-wracking as she thought it would be. The scary part was actually thinking of something to say. 

“Why are you still here?” She asked, sounding sincere. 

He stared up at her, something in between a smirk and a glare. “I’m always here.”

“Yes… but why?” Juvia asked, tucking her blue curls behind her ear. “It’s snowing.”

“And?” 

“You’re going to keep sitting here? You’re gonna die of hypothermia first.”

He shrugged. “Why are you concerned? Second thoughts about beating me up?”

She sighed. “You’ve sat in the same spot every day for four years, and I want to know why.”

He raised an eyebrow at her. “Stalker much?”

“You’re the stalkery one, sitting out in the same spot every day.”

“Point proven. Okay. I sit here because my step-brother works in the bakery. Our mom and sister are always getting on me to watch him.”

“But his shift is over now. Why are you still here?” 

He shrugged again. “Couldn’t miss the chance to be murdered? Live fast die young?”

Juvia shook her head, blue curls overflowing from where they were tucked in her scarf. “Nah. You’re waiting for something, you don’t seem like the suicidal type.”

“Like I said, stalker.”

“I’ve talked to you once.” 

“But I always see you around here.”

“I work here. And I’m not a stalker, I’m training to be a nurse.”

“What type?” 

“Trauma, but I’ve taken a lot of classes on mental health. It was a guess, in all honesty.”

He nodded. “I take it you go to Fairy Tail U?”

Juvia nodded, a little stiffly, she was getting cold. “I think you should give me your name before this conversation continues.”

He smirked. “Gray Fullbuster.” He held out his hand. “You?”

“Juvia Lockser.” She said, taking it confidently.

Gray smiled, just a little, but it made her warm up inside. He sat down and gestured for her to do the same. “So, Juvia Lockser,” She liked the way he said her name, like something bright and exciting. “What exactly are you doing out at 7:30 in the evening?”

She glanced at her watch. It really was 7:30, despite the midwinter darkness. Had it not been for the streetlights, she would be completely blind. “I am on my dinner break.” She tapped the salad container. “And avoiding my meddling co-workers.”

He laughed, and it made Juvia feel special. “Aren’t we all. I work at the ice rink on campus, student athletes are the worst.”

She frowned, opening her salad. “If you work at the ice rink, doesn’t that make you a student athlete?”

“I’m a figure skater, but that doesn’t count. All the guys I work with play hockey.”

“Skating eh?” Juvia asked curiously, taking a bite. “That’s really interesting.” 

Gray nodded. “What about you? Any sports?”

She swallowed, hard. “I used to swim, but I fell out of it when I transferred here.” She didn’t mention being the best in state, or add the ‘when my ex landed me in the hospital with a broken leg and six cracked ribs, lots of internal damage. I had to stop practicing and never started again’. People didn’t like to hear it, about how he’d punched, and pushed her down the stairs. Or beaten her so badly they weren’t sure if she was alive or not when she reached the hospital. Juvia could still remember it, too vividly to be healthy. “ _ Frigid bitch”, _ yeah, she’d heard that before.

He nodded. “A swimmer. Why’d you quit? If you don’t mind me asking.” She froze. People had asked Juvia about this before, and she’d always said the same thing. That she’d found other things that she liked better, that she didn’t have the time. Swimming, after the incident hadn’t felt like it did before. Now, she felt like drowning. It made her feel out of breath and horrified, like she’d taken the Grim Reaper’s hand herself. Juvia could still remember Gajeel jumping in after her, fishing her out after she’d let go. Another trip to the hospital.

“I do mind, actually. It’s not something I like to talk about.”

“Okay.” The tension weighed on Juvia’s shoulders, making her panic. She had to get out now. Juvia had experienced panic attacks before, anyone who had been in her situation would. Now was not the time. It had been two years since her last one, in the grocery store, when a guy had tapped her on the shoulder. He’d looked just like Bora. It seemed strange, now, in hindsight, that she’d dated one of the country’s most infamous human traffickers who would eventually end up on death row. 

“I should get going.” She said quickly, slipping the container back into her coat’s massive pocket. “My break’s about to end.” She lied. 

“Okay.” Gray repeated, dark eyes fixed on her, almost worried. “See you later.” Juvia thought she caught the barest hint of a smile. It almost made her feel better.

“See you.” She whispered, and started walking back towards the shop.

It seemed Gray was the only thing Lucy and Meredy wanted to talk about that night, and all Juvia wanted to do was think about it. About what could’ve happened if she’d said anything else. Considering every possibility. It was driving her insane. One thing was for certain, thought. She could, under no circumstances, become involved with Gray Fullbuster. It was too risky. Juvia had sworn off dating after her suicide attempt. Gajeel had made her, and she had been all too willing. Betraying her adoptive brother; betraying herself, after she’d been okay for all these years… No. It wouldn’t happen, not possible, not again. 

Juvia was expecting to see him on the bench the next day, but not for him to come in and buy a coffee. Lucy hadn’t noticed either, until he was in the front of the line. “What can I get for you?” She asked, voice a little higher than usual. Juvia pretended not to notice, pouring the various holiday-themed drinks. 

“Can I speak to Juvia, actually?” Gray asked. She looked up at the sound of her name in his voice, shiny and affectionate. Lucy giggled. 

“Juv, bench guy wants you!” The blonde called, but Juvia was already there, taking over the register.

She narrowed her eyes. “What’s up?”

“I want to know what I did.” Gray stated, forcing her to meet his eyes, steady and calm. 

“So,” Her hand slid to the stack of cups. “How do you take your coffee?”

“Black. What did I do wrong?” 

Juvia nodded and scribbled on the cup, passing it to Lucy. “It was nothing. Personal issue. Can I get you anything else?”

He blushed, just a little, and she felt herself melt a little more. Damn, he was almost cute. Almost. Not yet, she wasn’t ready to acknowledge it. “When are you free?” Gray asked, and she could practically feel his heart beating, or maybe it was her’s. Juvia refused to fall in love with him, absolutely refused.

“I”m working late tonight.” She answered, almost happy she’d signed on for the extra shift. 

“How late?” He implored, not ready to give up. Juvia glanced down, nails tapping on the counter. Persistent, just like his brother. She’d hate turning him down.

“Midnight.” 

“I’ll trade with her!” Meredy shouted from across the bar. Juvia shuddered. 

“Well I guess that’s settled.” She mumbled. “I’m off at eight thirty. Free after that, but I’m going to have to call my brother.”

“Oh, okay. I’ll see you then.” Gray smiled, and Juvia’s heart either skipped a beat or stopped beating altogether. Love, real, romantic love, or lust, or crushing, or whatever the hell this was was a new, foreign concept. Whatever she’d had with Bora had grown bitter and dusty since they’d broken up, it had already been toxic in the beginning of their relationship. She supposed Gray would be a good boyfriend, at least from what she’d gauged so far. God, why was she thinking like this? Juvia was already convinced that she wouldn’t date him, so why even consider the possibility. She tried to shake it off.

“Wait, where are we going? What is this?” She called after him. Gray had already paid and taken his coffee, he was already out the door. 

“You’ll see when we get there!” He called back, voice smiling and magical. Juvia couldn’t help but blush. 

Lucy sighed. “Natsu really is clueless.”

“At least he knows your name.” Meredy added. “Hey, Juv, ya know since I’m taking your shift and everything, do you think your future boyfriend who sooo just asked you out could introduce me to his very very handsome step-brother when he gets the chance?”

Juvia rolled her eyes, knowing better to argue. “Fine. Lyon’s an ass, so you know.”

“Yes, but he’s a pretty piece of ass.”

She checked her phone. “Gotta call Gajeel, I’ve gotta change my plans.” Her adoptive brother had moved to Magnolia with her when she transferred. He was out of college right now, working his way through law school, and as a mechanic part time. Gajeel had always been defensive of her, growing up in various foster homes where kids had a tendency not to fight fair. It had been a miracle when they’d both been adopted by the same family. He was her brother, in everything but blood. They had fallen into the habit of Gajeel picking Juvia her up after work, walking her home, especially when she worked late. Now she had to call him, she had a  _ date _ . She knew he wouldn’t be pleased, but this, in her eyes, was a good step. She was healing. Juvia stepped into the back room. “Heyyy Gajeel,” She said, hopping up onto a barrel of coffee beans. “What’s up?”

“What did you do?” He answered, unamused. 

“I don’t need you to pick me up tonight. Long story short, I have plans, so you don’t-”

He cut her off. “With who?”

“God, mom.” She laughed into the phone. “I have a date.”

“With who?” Gajeel asked. Juvia cursed herself for being so honest. 

“A guy from work.” 

“What’s his name?”

“Gray Fullbuster. Do you want his social security number too?”

“Fine.” He mumbled. “Be safe, call me if anything happens. I know I’m not a girl, but call me when you get home. I want details.” 

She smiled. “Okayyyy, love you.”

“And Juv,” Gajeel added.

“Hm?”

“I know I said no boys, but that was three years ago. I’m glad you’re getting out. Okay?”

“Okay. I gotta go, Gajeel. See you later?”

“Hell yeah, sister! Don’t forget to call me.”

“Bye.” Juvia whispered. She hopped down, re entering the shop. 

The girls were absolutely manic as her shift was ending, asking her what she was wearing and if they could possibly going to do her hair and makeup. 

“I don’t even know where we’re going, and besides, it’s cold. I’m not running home so I can look a little nicer for a guy I barely know.”

“But he hasn’t been at the bench all day, what if it’s some big thing-” She cut Lucy off with a hand, because Gray was there. 

He was dressed like a normal person, thank good. Juvia stepped out from behind the bar, smiling and trying to hide her blush. 

“I hope you’re prepared to be outside.” He grinned. 

“Please don’t murder me.” She couldn’t help but mutter, stepping a little closer. 

Gray laughed, running a hand through his dark hair. “I don’t think you have to worry about that.” 

“Go on you two, have fun, be safe, all of that.” Lucy said, shoving her towards the boy, Juvia nearly stumbled into him. 

“So,” She broached, unsure where to start. “Where are you taking me?”

“I told you, it's a secret.” That smirk again, she wasn't sure how she would make it through tonight without falling for him, hard.

“But it's outside.” Juvia stated. The were walking off campus, into downtown Magnolia.

Gray scoffed. “Barely. It's surrounded by civilization.” 

“So you're a camping sort of guy?”  She asked, curious.

“You could say that. Where we’re going, it’s an activity that doesn’t exactly need to be indoors or outdoors.”

Juvia nodded, knowing full well that she wouldn’t know until they got there. “So, what’s your family like, besides Lyon?”

Gray sighed, in an almost preparatory way, not depressing in the slightest. “Well, it’s me, my dad, my step-mother Ur, her daughter- Ultear, and her adopted son, Lyon. What about you?”

“I have four adoptive brothers, three of whom I’m not in contact with, and an adoptive father, who I don’t speak to anymore either. There was a lot of drama a couple of years ago, but I’m still close with my brother.” She didn’t mention Jose, Aria, Sol, and Toto taking Bora’s side after hospitalization, refusing to believe such a suave man could have hit her that many times.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” He seemed unsettled, and Juvia bit the inside of her cheek, mentally cursing herself for getting this heavy before they’d even reached their destination. “What’s your brother like?”

“He’s… tough, like if you saw him on the street, you’d cross to the other side. Not the brightest, but he studies hard and makes sure he understands everything. He’s in law school right now.” She smiled, happy that things had turned lighter. “Tell me about Ultear, I already know about Lyon.”

“Well, she’s a couple years older than me and Lyon, fifteen when our parents got married, she hated me and Lyon at first, but she got over that. I talk to her more than I do Lyon. She’s doing all this amazing work, she works for a charity and travels a lot.” 

“That’s so cool!” Juvia exclaimed. “What are you doing after graduation?”

“Nothing as interesting as Ul, unfortunately. I’m going to go pro with skating, after school’s out of the way. My coach keeps trying to talk me into the olympics.”

“Really? I never paid much attention to our athletics. Didn’t know we had any future olympians.” She laughed a little.

“Are you kidding me? We’re like, the best athletic college in Fiore. I can’t believe you didn’t know that. How long have you been going here?”

“Three years.” Juvia shrugged. “I don’t get out much.” 

Gray was good at feigning disbelief. She laughed, legitimately, for what felt like the first time forever, it was magical. 

“Well,” He said, stopping in his tracks. “We have arrived.” Juvia didn’t realize how much they’d walked until she looked up. It was a large, round structure, with steps leading up to it. Fenced in, with people gliding around inside, under thick strings of Christmas lights. With some horror, Juvia realized it was an ice rink. 

“I can't skate!” She protested.

“Good thing you're with a professional.” Gray responded deftly. Juvia blushed, and he reached out a hand for her. 

Any excuse to touch Gray Fullbuster was a good one, she decided, delicate fingers resting on his. He was like a space heater, if not for whatever she was feeling, she'd at least latch onto him to stay warm. Though the contact was comforting, she couldn’t help but want to pull away. “it'll be fun, I promise.”

Juvia cursed his name under her breath, padding out onto the ice shakily, wishing she'd gone home and rewatched ‘ _ Gilmore Girls’ _ for the millionth time with Gajeel. 

Gray stood a little farther away, arms outstretched to catch her if she fell. God, she was already falling hard. As soon as she reached him, Juvia death-gripped him, holding on for dear life. He laughed. “We’re going to start slowly, okay? Just try and stay upright and I’ll take you around.”

She nodded, almost bitterly. “This isn’t fair.” She stuck out her tongue at him. “You’re a freaking professional figure skater.”

“Fine. What are you good at?” Gray started skating backwards, and Juvia nearly stumbled.  

“Baking. Lots of bread.” She squeezed his fingers. He smiled, and she thought her heart would fall right out of her chest.

“Then if there’s a next time, that’s what we’ll do.” Gray decided.

“Next time?” Juvia smiled a little, blushing hard. “Are you confirming that you’re enjoying this?”

“A little.” He shrugged, turning suddenly. She stumbled, shaking hard. “Hey,” Gray crouched to meet her eyes. “Just keep your eyes on me. I won’t let you fall.” Juvia straightened. “I’m an olympian, remember?” She laughed. 

“I can’t help but feel like you’ve done this before.” Gray smiled, eyes sparkling, it was like drowning all over again. 

“My siblings and I used to teach kids to skate when we were in high school, I’m used to it.” 

“I bet the kids were a lot more competent than me.” Juvia blushed, they were moving again, this time a lot slower.

“At least you aren’t screaming.” He laughed. “Maybe I’ll show off for you later.”

She rolled her eyes to keep from blushing harder. The made their way around the rink, speeding up at times, spinning, turning, laughing. This was turning into the happiest Juvia had felt in a while, maybe ever. Gray stopped at the side, on a nearly empty end of the rink, letting her hold on to the side. “Ready to watch how the professionals do it?” He asked, grinning. 

She nodded excitedly. “When we’re making bread, you’ll regret this.” 

He quirked an eyebrow at her. “Are you asking me on a second date?”

Juvia raised her’s in return. “Are you confirming that this is a first date?” Gray blushed. 

“Whatever.”He pushed a hand through his dark hair. “If you want it to be.”

“I do.” She smiled, cocking her head and forgetting her past. “Show me your mad skills.”

He pushed off from the fence, coasting to the center. “Alright, this is my performance for this year’s regionals. It’s to  _ ‘Alice’s Theme’ _ from the Tim Burton movie, I have this whole Mad Hatter thing going on.” Gray waved a hand, beginning to move in ways Juvia wouldn’t think were possible. He was all lines and angles, the epitome of smooth grace and sharp, seamless movements. Even through his winter coat and jeans, she could see the hard lines of muscle, warm lights overhead making every moment seem to glow. Gray was all shadows and golden light, it took her breath away. That was before the jumps, which made her gasp, audibly. Every leap was precise and calculated, perfectly timed and executed. It was over, all too soon, and Juvia erupted into applause and cheering, as did some other bystanders.

“Oh my god!” She called as he skated over, wiping away sweat. “You really are that good.” Juvia laughed, almost childlike in her delight. “I’m going to have to up my bread game.”

He smiled, offering her a hand. “I think your bread will be great.” 

Juvia blushed, taking it. “Thank you.” 

“Where do you live? I'm taking you home.” Gray said as the were walking out.

“You don't have to.” She looked up at him. “I can protect myself.”

“My sister is a rape child, I'm walking you home.”

Juvia sighed. “A block east of Fairy Hills,we should take the subway.”

He nodded. “That's on my way home anyways.” 

The subway was quiet, this time of night, the two of them spent the time nudging each other back and forth, making blushing eye contact. Gray followed her lead on the way home, around various corners. She rubbed her hands, which were growing numb with the winter chill. He silently offered his, and Juvia took them gratefully as he massaged warmth back into them. “Thank you.” She said quietly.

“You were cold.” He shrugged. “It was nothing.” They reached her building.

“For everything then.” Juvia smiled. “I had a great time.” She was blushing, either from the cold or the moment, and maybe both. “This is my building.”

“Thank you for coming.” Gray cocked his head, a small smile tugging at the edges of his mouth. “And letting me teach you how to skate and walk you home.” His cheeks reddened ever so slightly, making heat bloom in Juvia’s chest. 

“Maybe I should get your number,” She commented. “So we can make bread-related plans.”

He laughed. “I see you there.” Gray smirked, giving it to her.

“So I guess this is goodnight,” Juvia’s breath spilled from her in a flowy puff; she pulled up her scarf. 

“I guess it is.” 

She hugged him, all of a sudden, almost unexpectedly. Juvia hadn’t been thinking, it was purely instinct, and she nearly pulled away, but then he wrapped his arms around her, and she felt her heart stop beating. Holding hands for stability was one thing, this was another. A too fast too soon another. She stiffened. Hell, he was warm. Juvia stayed there for a solid minute of pure shock, before pushing away, bracing a hand softly on his collarbone as she stepped back. Now wasn’t the time, his touch was suffocating her. Gray let go quickly, moving backwards. “I’m sorry.” he breathed, looking almost scared.

She managed to salvage a small smile. “No, it’s fine. I have to go. We’ll do it again?” Juvia was on the top step, right outside the apartment building’s door.

“The date or the awkward holding?”

“Is it bad if I say both?” She asked, biting down her rising flightiness and tapping her chin. 

“Maybe make the last part less awkward, but count me in.” He commented.

“I’ll work on that.” Juvia laughed. “Goodnight.”

“Night.” Gray smiled, and she couldn’t help but giggle as she waved, entering the building and closing the door behind her. 

They stood at her kitchen counter, hands in separate bowls of dough. “This better be good.” He muttered, trying to shake it off his fingers. 

She laughed, biting back the urge to fling some in his face. “Not a fan?”

“Not necessarily, it’s just sticky.” Gray flexed his hands. 

Juvia eyed the dough, almost apprehensively. “This is going to take a while to bake, maybe we should watch something.” The weeks between the two of them had passed easily, soft and sweet. It was almost ominously pure, weaving tiny dates in between exams and Christmas; Gray had a family to spend time with. He’d invited her to come, something about Ultear coming home from Sudan, Juvia made up some excuse about hanging out with Gajeel, even though he’d been at his girlfriend’s nearly all break. He hadn’t touched her since their mess of an embrace, something she was extremely thankful for. She hadn’t let a guy touch her since the last of her hospital stays, when it was necessary. Gray seemed to understand she had limits, though he was unsure why. Juvia would have to tell him soon, a thought that made her want to hide under the table with all the doors locked. 

They slid the bread into the oven, washing their hands in the kitchen sink, working with a light, productive banter. He was  _ just  _ close enough to make her nervous, something she was unaccustomed to. The only other guy she’d spent time, one on one, in the past three years, was Gajeel, and he didn’t count. 

Juvia let Gray pick out the show, not bothering to look it up beforehand, a mistake she realized from the beginning. Under normal circumstances, she would have enjoyed it, pre-Bora.  _ ‘Jessica Jones’   _ unsettled her, shaking something deeply that she’d kept locked away. Gray had taken the couch while she had remained curled up in her favorite armchair, something she was now grateful for, now he couldn’t feel her quiver. As the end of the episode drew near, Juvia got up to go to the bathroom, at least that's what she told herself. Locking the door quickly behind her, she melted. She wiped away the burning tears quickly, breathing hard. Shecouldn’tdothisShecouldn’tdothisShecouldn’tdothis. She tried to focus, miserably, on her breathing, hands shaking so hard that Juvia struggled to unlock the door, she felt like she was dying, drowning in her own panic. Everything seemed to blur, Juvia closed her eyes but she kept seeing Bora. Bora. Bora. He was there, taunting her, hitting her, pulling her hair and whispering in her ear. The dark thoughts made her burn, a lit match thrown into a pool of gasoline.  _ “Open the door like the slut you are, I’ll kill you, bitch. Get the fuck out of my house.”  His fist was in her hair, she was on her knees, digging into the bathroom tile. One slap, two. So many Juvia lost count, her cheek stung, she could feel it begin to swell. His hands were cold, almost unnaturally so as his nails dug into her cheek, spitting insults.“I’ll teach you a lesson, try to leave, you’re nothing without me.” _

There came a knocking on the bathroom door, making her jump, hard. She drew in a sharp breath, reminding herself that it was probably Gray. Just Gray. “Juvia? Are you okay?” 

She pushed herself off the tiled floor, taking in a few more steady breaths. With shaking hands, she opened the door, unsure how to face the man before her. She stared at the floor. “Oh god.” Gray whispered. “Are you okay?” Juvia wasn’t sure how to respond. “I’m sorry,” He reached out cautiously, as if unsure she wanted physical comfort or not. Gray squeezed her shoulder. Juvia looked up, tears still shining in her eyes. She nudged herself into his arms, pressing her chin into his shoulder. He was warm, arms wrapped tight around her, and she felt liberated. Freed from whatever was binding her. Being held by Gray didn’t make Juvia feel like she was drowning, like Bora had.Touching him was like breathing for the first time. Hesitantly, he stroked her blue curls. She took in a shaky breath. Gray almost pulled away, but she caught him, fingers on his wrists desperate. “What’s wrong?”

“I,” Juvia sighed. “Have some past issues, and the show was getting to be too much. Sorry to freak you out.”

“I’m sorry; if I’d known…” His voice trailed off and she shook her head. 

“It’s not your fault.”

“Do you want to, talk or anything?” He didn’t look that he was saying it out of sympathy, but concerned interest.

“Actually, I do. Just to lay things down for you.” Gray smiled, albeit a little tightly.

“Okay, we should sit down.” He said, arms loosening around her. Juvia let go, reluctantly, folding herself into couch next to him, their feet resting on top of each other.

“Okay.” She drew in a beath. “It started in my last semester of senior year, I didn't grow up in the best neighborhood, mind you, but that's not important. Out of my siblings, I was the innocent one, I'd had boyfriends before, but nothing longer than a couple months.” Juvia eyed him apprehensively. “Then Bora came. It was strange, starting a new school only a few months from graduation, but nobody seemed to question it. He was the heir to a wealthy corporation, and as handsome and charming as they come, everyone was smitten with him. He fell in with my brothers; Aria, Sol, and Toto quickly. The four of them were always hanging out, and there were always a lot of girls; Bora seemed to have them under his spell. It wasn't long until I was his chosen prey.” She shuddered, thinking about their first kiss, how he’d slammed her against the bathroom wall, nails digging into her wrists as he kissed her roughly.  _ “You're mine for the taking.” _

“My brothers, Gajeel not included, were happy that I was finally coming to some use for them. I was Bora’s whore, to say the least, if he was angry at my brothers, they'd use me as a bargaining chip. When high school ended, I followed him to Phantom University, even though I'd been accepted to Fairy and it was my first choice. Being with him made me feel invincible, but Bora himself didn't. We moved in together freshman year, since he could afford his own place. He'd always been possessive, giving off all sorts of warning signs that I should have seen coming, but I didn't until,” Juvia drew in a shaky breath. Gray gave her a ‘you can stop if you need to’ look that she ignored, continuing. “The abuse started. He started with words, the insults, the manipulation. Then he started kicking me out and letting me back in, randomly. It wasn't like I had anywhere else to go, I couldn't go home, so I had to beg him to stay, I became dependant. Then came the unwanted touching, you get the memo. After that, he started getting physical. Just about anything under the sun. Gajeel noticed after the first couple hospital trips and confronted him about it, and like the coward he was, up and left. I transferred to Fairy U and moved to Magnolia. Not long after, surprise surprise, I started having panic attacks and nearly drowned myself in a pool. Gajeel made me go to therapy, and I pretty much healed. And here we are, two and a half years later.” Juvia smiled weakly, cursing herself for saying anything at all. He took her hand. 

“Where is he now?” Gray asked, voice quiet and almost dangerous.

“Jail. Apparently he was also a drug dealer and a human trafficker.”

“Good.” He replied simply, squeezing her hand.  “Can I hug you?” 

In response, she crawled over to him, squeezing herself in next to him, wrapping her arms around his waist. He mimicked the action, pulling her closer.in a position that was more cuddling than hugging. Juvia could hear Gray’s heartbeat through his shirt, an almost familiar, comforting sound, she smiled. They stayed that for a while, talking noses brushing ever so slightly. They were forced to move by the beeping of the oven, signifying both the bread being finished, and that Juvia had to get going to work. Almost annoyed, she untangled herself from Gray, he followed quickly, helping her take out the bread. He wanted to take Juvia to work, for whatever reason, and she let him, easily slipping into her well-worn winter boots, and shrugging on her coat. 

“Wait,” He called to her before she entered the shop. She looked back, one foot already in the door. “I have something for you.” 

“Yeah?” Juvia asked curiously, walking back towards him. “What is it?”

Gray kissed her then, hands on her waist. It was warm, as he was, soft, and gentle, the sort of kiss that promised more, a better, brighter future, and maybe some time alone later, in the bedroom. She felt herself fall in love, just a little, but enough to feel her heart skip a beat or two. Pulling away, Juvia grinned, knowing three things.

  1. Gray Fullbuster was not Bora, he was a good man, something she felt she deserved.
  2. She was healing, finally, well on her was to getting better.
  3. This was the undeniable beginning, a bud that would (hopefully) eventually blossom into everything she’d hoped for.



**Author's Note:**

> Ahhhhhhh! Finishing this fic was kind of magical. Look out for deleted scenes ;) Graduation, first dates, and heated conversations coming soon. Thank you for reading!


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